


Guilt

by finereluctance



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Cheating, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Greg is too nice for his own good, M/M, S01E13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finereluctance/pseuds/finereluctance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kristy is dead and Nick feels guilty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilt

Innocent. Guilty. None of it changed the fact that Kristy was dead.

Nick sat in the break room, his head in his hands and his heart on his sleeve for all to see. He wasn’t guilty, but he felt the weight of guilt on him. He had tried to protect her, he’d fallen for her and got caught up in her web, he’d lied to Greg, he’d cheated on his partner, and he’d been accused of murder. Catherine and Greg had worked the case after Ecklie gave his findings over to PD, going out on a limb to prove his innocence and prove that Jack had been the one to kill her. And still, she was dead.

The guilt was enough to make a man suffocate. Had she played him? Had all of her pretty words been just that, pretty words to get him to believe her? Had she really intended to go back to college to recruit new prostitutes and start up her own ring? Had he really been so naive to believe her?

He’d been foolish enough to fall into bed with her.

And still she was dead. 

People came and went from the break room, taking their meals, talking around Nick, but the entire department knew. Knew he’d bedded a known prostitute. No one spoke to him, not while he was drowning under his own guilt.

A hand settled on his shoulder and Nick shuddered. He knew that touch, the familiar way a gentle thumb rubbed the base of his neck. He didn’t deserve it.

He loved Greg. For three years they had been tied up with each other, wrapped around one another as often as possible and no eyes for anyone else. He had a reputation, of course, as a ladies man, and Greg had his own reputation as the kinky flirt of the lab, but that was all built on small things like dinner when he was asked out (he never did the asking) and not calling afterwards. He hadn’t slept with any of them, though. His reputation was hardly based in fact, since the only person he had slept with since the DNA tech arrived in Vegas was the slender, tow-headed scientist. Until last night, that was. Until Kristy and her pretty words.

A fresh wave of guilt poured over him like a bucket of ice water. He’d never stopped to think what this would do to Greg. What harm it would cause their relationship. He never thought about what Greg must have thought, must have felt, when he heard that Nick’s DNA was confirmed all over Kristy’s home and in that condom. He’d had to run the DNA himself, and it was Nick’s name that showed up on the screen. First-hand evidence that Nick had cheated on him. And Greg never let that professional facade slip. Never let it show. Hadn’t gotten upset with him, hadn’t shown that he was hurt. 

Instead, Greg came to him when he was at his lowest, suffocating in the break room, and laid a hand upon his shoulder. “Come on, Nicky,” he said softly. “Let’s go home.” There was no accusation in his voice. No anger, no hurt. Just worry and concern in the soft tones that Greg usually reserved for the bedroom.

How could he be so calm? Nick had **cheated** on him and had it paraded around the lab. How could he still care?

Nick took a sharp breath when Greg’s other hand was placed on his shoulder and he realized he hadn’t responded. There was nothing to say. What could he possibly say to fix this? To make things better? Sorry would never do. 

“Nicky,” the nickname rolled off his tongue as gentle as could be. “You need to get up now, it’s time to go home.” Greg’s hands pressed against the backs of his shoulders, guiding Nick to stand, and he walked ahead of him on autopilot until they reached the bright sun of morning. It had been 24 hours since he’d seen the commotion outside of Kristy’s house and it seemed so wrong that the world continued on as if nothing had changed. As if no one was missing her. As if he hadn’t destroyed the most important thing in his life.

“I’ll drive,” Greg murmured as they walked to the parking lot and Greg’s silver Jetta. Nick slipped into the passenger seat, unable to comprehend why Greg still cared so much. Why he was being so kind. They drove to Nick’s apartment in silence, Radiohead turned down low on the stereo, both lost in their own heads.

The younger lab tech parked in Nick’s spot at his apartment and they both got out to make the short walk in silence. The silence was deafening. It was nearly as oppressive as the guilt that still hung over him, time and space doing nothing to dull the weight. He knew something needed to be said as Greg unlocked the door, but what? Would anything be enough?

“It isn’t your fault,” Greg was the one who broke the silence once they got inside and the door was locked behind them. In the brightness of the living room it all seemed wrong in a way. Why was Greg the one comforting him?

“It’s my fault I slept with her…” Nick whispered, unable to look up from the floor to meet Greg’s eyes. “It’s my fault I hurt us, that I hurt you…”

Greg was quiet for only a moment before he stepped forward and touched Nick’s chin to get the older man to look up at him. “I’m hurt, yeah.” Greg confirmed, but still there was only concern in his eyes. “But it was a mistake. And she really was hot…”

Nick dropped his gaze again, focused instead on Greg’s lips. “I’m sorry. I know it’ll never be enough to erase any of this, but I never meant to hurt you.”

“Shh,” Greg murmured. “Let’s just move forward. Dwelling on all of this… it’s only going to hurt more.” 

Nick fell silent, unable to find words to say. There was nothing to say. He’d fucked up, and Greg was willing to forgive him. To look passed his faults and mistakes. To keep loving him.

“You can’t blame yourself for things that are outside your control… Jack, he would have found her somewhere. You couldn’t have stopped that.” Greg continued as he arms wrapped around Nick’s shoulders. “And Kristy… well, she was putting in all the effort and moves to seduce you. I doubt any man could have resisted that. Especially not you, Nicky. You always want to see the best in people.”

“I still feel guilty,” Nick whispered. “I messed up, man, and it just feels like something is trying to crush me.” Out of habit he curled himself into Greg’s arms, letting the smaller hold onto him.

“Then let me help carry the weight. We’re in this together.” Greg kissed the crown of his head and for a moment it felt as if some of the weight had lifted.


End file.
